This weekend will mark a whole year since my father passed away.
There were moments in the past year when I wasn't too sure I would make it to this point, but here I am, happy to be here with you. It's such a bittersweet feeling when I log onto Facebook and old memories pop up, reminding me of the person I once was and how much I've changed.
As I was driving the other night, my thoughts easily wondered to my father with this date approaching. I haven't had much luck when it comes to figuring out how to be a successful adult, and he had a lot of feelings about all of my life choices. Lately, I've been stressed trying to figure out if writing my book is worth the time or risk. In that moment I wished I could pull over and text him for answers to all of my doubts. I wanted to crawl back to my parent for some tough love. Of course, I couldn't do that, but I did remember a talk we once had. We obviously had many discussions where I asked him what in the world was I supposed to be doing right now?? One of the last conversations we had, he told me that I'll probably make mistakes when I'm 60 and it's okay. Remembering those little moments help me find strength now.
Life is such a funny, beautiful thing.
I feel at peace now and I never thought I'd be able to say that.
But it's true, for the most part, I'm incredibly happy with where I'm at in my life at the moment. There are still nights when I cry or wish I could go back in time and not be so petty over something that caused us to stop talking.. But I'm starting to believe that the rough days only show me how strong I've become since the girl I was a year ago.