THIS IS ME



"My identity is me, but it is also my family.
Now, as a mom, I feel like I'm experiencing a part of my own life that I can't remember."


I saw the above quote while scrolling through Facebook yesterday, and I wish I could find where it came from but I couldn't. So, I'm sorry that I couldn't link it back to the correct source..

It's such a cliche to tell you how much I love quotes, but it's true. When I find a quote I truly relate to and understand, there is a sense of hope that surrounds me.. and this particular quote hit home with me. I've written a post in the past about how being a mother has always been enough for me, and for the most part I still feel that way. As I'm getting older and my children are becoming more independent there is a part of me that is becoming more of my own person though. I'm not just living in my children's shadows anymore.

For the past seven years all I've done is raised three small children - back to back - and felt as if that was all I'd ever do in my life. I didn't think I'd have the time or the energy to truly discover who I was. I didn't even have the time or energy to care what others thought about me anymore, or have the strength to be someone I wasn't, or have time to put care into relationships that were already broken. All of that showed me just how much I wore a mask on top of who I truly was and I didn't even realize it. I never realized how becoming a mother had stripped me of that mask, and allowed me to become more of myself without me even noticing. I guess I always thought I had to go to college and get drunk and make mistakes to find myself, but was I wrong. . .

Now - my children are older, doing more things on their own, and I feel like I'm meeting someone within for the very first time.

Becoming a mother has allowed me to remember the little girl I once was, before life became complicated and painful. The girl who was full of hopes and dreams. The girl who thought the world was such a magical world to live in. I see myself in my children every day and it is something special. I see how driven they are and how they just love life. The biggest compliment I have ever received was from my daughter's teacher, she told me how much she enjoyed how she loved life, how she shows up every day ready to tackle whatever comes her way in a positive way. I almost cried.. And that is what is so great about being surrounded by kids. They remind us of how great our lives can be. Being surrounded by this every day allowed me to find my own happiness. It allowed me to revisit someone I said good-bye to a long time ago, and bring forth that girl who had those dreams and wonder about her.

So, I agree with the above quote.
My identity is me, but it is also very much my own family and what they bring out in me.
Which I think we are all a part of the things in our lives, whether they are good or bad, and it's about what we choose to do with everything that makes us who we are. Becoming a mother at a young age may have been hard for me, but now I see how good it was for me. I don't wonder about the 'what ifs' in my life anymore and I have my family to thank for allowing me to let go, and say hello again.


xxo


THIS MOMENT

This Moment is a weekly ritual of a single photo - no words - capturing a special moment from the week. These photos represent a moment that is dear to my heart, whether it be of someone or something I love.




xxo


THE 100 // SEASON 3 "TERMS AND CONDITIONS" RECAP

Simply Nicollette's recap posts for The 100 will contain spoilers.



The 100's latest episode was a bit slower than last but still really good!
We have a lot of Arkadia politics to discuss today! Maddi and I are excited to be sharing our thoughts about each episode throughout this entire season with you. You can read our recap of "Thirteen" here.
Now - let's talk about that episode!



Terms and Conditions Synopsis:

"Kane may be forced to use drastic measures - Kane is searching for a peaceful way to handle things but soon realizes he may be forced to resort to drastic measures. Meanwhile, Pike suspects that there may be a leak within the walls of Arkadia. Lastly, Raven has a plan and reaches out to Jasper for help."




Maddi - The 100 opens with us back at Arkadia.. finally. Last week we didn't see them, the camp, or our favourite characters within. Pike and Bellamy march to the security outpost next to the gate. There seems to be a situation. They lost contact with one of their recon teams. Three teams went out, all reporting Grounder contact less than a mile from camp. On Pike's orders two teams retreated and made it back safely and the third had to engage, and that's when they lost transmission with them.

To them, obviously not knowing about the Commander's order, it appears that they are establishing a blockade and leaving no way through it. This is when I realized that the Grounders have not informed them of their plan or of the blockade, which we can also assume that they don't know about the kill order either. That's not fair, anyone could cross it unknowingly and get killed. They have a right to know. As Pike realizes something has changed, two Grounders appear, making their way to them.

Pike wonders what they want as Bellamy says they have brought a message because he's seen this before. We have seen this before, right when they were on the brink of war, it seems as if history is beginning to repeat itself. Bellamy orders them to open the gate as Pike reassures the command. Bellamy has a lot of control as Pike allows it to him, his second hand man, as it seems Bellamy answers only to Pike.

Kristy - All of this brought back those memories of the Grounders coming for Finn after he massacred that village, and had to "pay" for what he did to their people.

M - Bellamy greets the two Grounders on horse. They're dressed in their fighting gear with their war paint and intimidating masks on as one of them holds a bag. I knew it was something to do with the missing recon team. That it was something to signify what had happened to those people, to show that what they say has truth to it, that this is happening and they mean business.


M - They say an army has fallen as they ask for the one called Pike, for the lives he took, as Bellamy welcomes them to the war against them. Come on Bellamy what is this, you don't want a war. Life was taken and they demand life in return. Pike asks for their terms, and it's simple, he comes with them and they walk away, or war. The Grounders tell them by command of the Commander they have been surrounded and any who try to cross it will be greeted by death as they empty the bag to reveal the bloodied clothes from the SkaiKru's fellow people.

K - "Life was taken. We demand life in return." Well, now it seems like they know the terms of the blockade and they are not happy about it. Of course things would be easier if Pike would just go with them, but Bellamy isn't going to let that happen.. He didn't even want to give up Finn, so his actions are making sense to me.

M - Pike tries to get Bellamy to go back inside with him as he just ignores this whole thing. To me I thought Bellamy was trying to reason with Pike as he's tried to before in certain situations, as he tries to tell Pike that he knows they will not leave, he has seen it before as Pike doesn't listen. They mean business you can't just turn your back and ignore it.

We've seen this before with Finn, but Pike will not give himself up, he doesn't even see what he's doing, and if he can't see it he won't face what he's done or try to correct it as he doesn't even see it as wrong, whereas Finn did.


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M - The Grounders try to threaten them as they say their people took a long time to die and they will too if they do not give up their leader. This hurts Bellamy as Pike orders him to fallback but he doesn't move. One of the Grounders says, "Choose the side that's best for your people," you can see the hesitation in Bellamy as it clearly affects him, because that's all he wants, that's all he's trying to do as this hits home to him. There's a tense moment before Bellamy replies, "I do it every day," and shoots them both.

Why Bellamy why. . . Why kill them. What have you done? You said you've seen it before then you know what the answer is, give up Pike and stop a war on your people. You know peace can be the outcome, after everything, you did have it for three months. You know it's possible, so why would you not try to do it.

K - BELLAMY! I remember live tweeting this episode and there were multiple times where I tweeted "WTF Bellamy WTF" throughout this episode.. He truly believes he is doing what is best for his people and that is what is breaking my heart. He meant it when he said that he does what's best for his people every day.

M - "So far nothing has changed my mind." Why does he choose this, you can see his doubt and fear, and hesitation in those bad decisions he continues to make. It's time to start listening to your conscience and your reason. The more bad things he does the more regret he feels, the more he doesn't want to see and accept what he's done, the more he delves deeper into himself and gives in to the darkness that is trying to take control.


M - Pike, Hannah, Monty, and Bellamy discuss what their next move is. Without being able to hunt their food or obtain water their supplies will only last a week, two tops if they ration it, which Pike orders immediately. Hannah asks about breaking the blockade but after what Bellamy did Pike knows they will be expecting that. Pike says they can't engage the Grounders until they have their own people under control, and starting with Kane. He also bans all contact with the Grounder prisoners, who could be giving away information about their villages to him.

Pike asks Monty to take over all camp surveillance and security. Pike's insistent that this stays between them, as they don't know who is providing information to Kane. Then Pike brings up the matter of camp wide surveillance as a shocked Monty says, "You want us to spy on our own people?" Pike says he can't do what's needed to defend their camp if every order he gives is leaked before he can do it.. As their leader your people have a right to know what you are doing and if it's best for them, they have a voice too.

Pike clearly fears and doubts his people's faith in him, after the Grounders gave them an ultimatum to remove him from leadership or go to war to meet death. He knows his people aren't completely with him, that this could grow their uncertainties in him. He knows his people will do anything to survive, even giving him up and their support in him if it means that they get to live.

Pike tells them to be careful because "The walls have ears," as we see the listening device is hidden under the table they are currently standing around as we flip to the people listening in. Kane, Miller, and Harper. Pike warns them not to trust anyone not even their family, partner, or husband, no one. That they are now facing two wars and the most dangerous one is here. Does he even hear what he's saying, two wars, you're fighting your own people who are just trying to do the right thing while a giant army surrounds you and could kill you all, because of you. But all Pike cares about are the people trying to remove him from leadership because he's threatened.

K - Pike is getting his own people to go to war with each other. He is continuing to split everyone up and put them all on different sides. Is this truly what is best for your people Pike? I don't think so. . .


M - Kane, Miller, and Harper listen in as Pike says he knows they didn't sign up to investigate their neighbors but Monroe and LeCroy died because of the traitors. They are only traitors in your eyes, as they don't follow your orders and have different views. I knew he'd use their deaths against them. He turns everyone's attention and makes them focus on the other's actions, blaming them as the cause of their deaths and not the fact that they were going to slaughter a village full of innocent people. All they were doing was trying to stop you killing, but really it was your decision that caused these events to unfold.

K - How does Pike not see that? I don't think he even realizes how his mistakes are catching up to him. If he never attacked the Grounders that were there to help them, then they wouldn't be where they are now, worrying about their food rations and more because they would've had the Grounders as allies.

M - Kane decides if they're going to play that game they will too, as they start taking better precautions. Harper says they could just hand him over to the Grounders which Kane says would be murder and treason, and it's not who they are. As Miller chimes in with "Maybe it's who we need to be," as they look to desperate measures to stop Pike, without doing what he's doing and stooping to his level at the same time. You don't want to be like him, I know you're running out of options but you just can't afford to think that way. They look to Kane for a plan. I just hope they are careful who knows what will happen if they get caught.

K - When Kane told them, "Not yet," when talking about becoming the type of person Pike is, I completely understood where he was coming from.. If they truly become those type of people then there is no hope left in saving all of Arkadia from this war that is happening.



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M - All supplies are now rationed as Jasper is stripped of his alcohol, his crutch, and the only thing that may be holding him up for now. Hopefully it may force him to face his demons, sober. Nearby Jaha and Raven are still trying to find the 13th station for A.L.I.E, even though they know it's been destroyed. Raven and A.L.I.E have tried to calculate the trajectory of the debris and where it would have landed. It seems A.L.I.E really wants to find that second A.I.

K - If she only knew where it was. . . It's kind of fun knowing that it's in Polis and A.L.I.E has no clue!

M - The probability is only between 75 and 80% as Jaha deems it not good enough. Raven can't do anything more without more resources. They decide the only way is to increase the population of the City of Light. "The more minds turn to the task, the more powerful A.L.I.E becomes." That doesn't sound good. Is it because they somehow give her power? Does she control them or influence them? Is it because she messes with their heads or something else, something bigger?

K - WHAT DOES THAT MEAN? How did I not put this together, that A.L.I.E can make them do things against their will? It's all a bit creepy..

M - They have one problem, when Abby shut them down Pike confiscated their chipmaker.. So that's where Jaha gets them all from, it means they could make an endless amount. They decide to get it back, but they need someone crazy enough to pull it off as they look to Jasper. They really love using people for their own gain, don't they.


M - Pike and his men are going through their ammo stash, as they have to be careful because they are running low. Pike questions what Chancellor Griffin was doing when in charge. Are you kidding me, she wasn't expecting or trying to start a war. As Kane shows up and asks to speak with him.

Kane asks him, "You don't really believe you could make enough bullets to stop all the Grounders, do you?" and Pike says, "I have to." Pike really has lost all reason. Kane tries to convince him to turn himself in, to do the right thing, and end the blockade but Pike cannot see it, he's blinded by his hatred. He sees a very different world, as Kane believes he has a responsibility to speak to him like someone who understands this world in a way that he doesn't.

Until Pike says, "Like you all did the right thing when you turned in that boy Finn?" Did anyone else get angry with Pike? I can't believe he had the audacity to bring up Finn. They didn't turn in Finn, he made the choice, the right one by turning himself in to answer what he did, to face it, to save his people, and the damage his actions were doing to his people, as they were having to answer for his actions as his blame was being placed on them. They did not surrender him, he surrendered himself, and went behind their backs to stop them from stopping him, to make the decision for them so they would not have to bare it. And in the end he did not die by the hands of a Grounder. Pike needs to stop blaming everyone else and to accept his own blame and what he's done.

K - Bringing up Finn was a low blow to Kane and yes, I got angry at Pike for this also! He tells Kane that the Grounders ended up betraying them once they gave Finn up, but does he not know that Clarke was the one to actually kill him? That he gave himself up? I mean where is he getting his information from? Or is he just not listening to the whole story and making up his own?


M - "There's only one way for this war to end. We put the Grounders down and keep them down, until they know better then to take one more step in our direction." I swear Pike gives me a headache. The Grounders were working for peace, they welcomed you as their own and you ruined it and killed INNOCENT people who were trying to protect you. You decided they're all guilty from one fellow man's actions, something from their past, that you're still holding onto. How can you not see this? I'm getting sick of arguing this. I've never seen a character with so little reason before. All I know is he must be stopped. "You've become a dictator. You realize that, don't you?"

Kane - "When this ends, with our camp in ruins, you won't be able to say no one told you there was a better way out."
Pike - "When this ends with Arkadia victorious, you'll only have yourself to blame for choosing the wrong side."

In this moment you can really see the difference between the two men. Pike sees victory and Kane sees ruin if he doesn't stop. They really are two different people who see two different worlds. They are two different leaders, with one leading with hatred and the other with hope.

K - I love that! It's true that Pike is leading his people with hate in his heart and Kane is wanting to lead his people with hope in his heart. He has hope for a better world, one where both Grounders and Sky People work together to make a better life for all of their people.


M - Raven lures Jasper with a fake promise of booze to make sure that he will talk with her. Raven offers information about the City of Light as we all know that Jasper has shown some interest in joining them. She pulls out a diagram of Pike's office and Jasper puts two and two together figuring out that they want the chipmaker. Jasper will need to distract the guards because they know Raven is with Jaha but he's mistakenly seen as a dumb drunk and is the perfect fool. "For what it's worth I think you're more than that." I love their friendship. I hope we can see more of them together.

K - I love them together also! I hate how Jaha is turning them into people who only use people for their own gain though. . .

M - If they're lucky enough to get to the door, the access codes have been changed, and they have over 100 million possible combinations. Raven reveals to Jasper that Pike put Monty in charge of surveillance and security, which means they don't have to crack Pike's passwords, they have to crack Monty's and no one knows him better than Jasper.

K - "It sounds like a terrible idea. I'm in," Jasper tells Raven. Again we see how everyone is on different sides when it comes to the war within Arkadia.. And Jaha's City of Light madness only adds another side to this war.


M - Kane, Miller, and Harper meet up again. They have had no word from Octavia but they hear something over their listening device. Pike, Bellamy, and Hannah are planning something. I knew immediately it was a set up. Pike was just talking about being careful and finding the traitors in camp and next minute there's a big random diabolical plan.

I couldn't help but hope Monty would warn them. He's the only one who can, before they get caught or possibly killed. We see your doubt and we know you don't agree with what they're doing. Come on Monty.

The plan is that they don't have enough ammo to make an attack, so they're going to deploy an assault team in the rover to the nearest encampment and do as much damage as they can with their automatic weapons. They know they'll just fallback and make a run for reinforcements but Pike is counting on that. The only way there and back is over a ridge. They're going to mine the field before attacking, then lure their reinforcements there and detonate as it reveals that they're talking TO the listening device. If they fall for it, it will reveal the people supplying information and helping Kane. I still can't believe Miller placed the bug under the table, everyone knows that is the first place you check.. well in TV shows.

Kane immediately decides they must disable that rover. It doesn't matter how many Grounders they kill, ten times that number will descend on Arkadia if they don't stop them. Kane says he might have a way to stop them and now we are all thinking he's clueless and fallen for their set up.


M - Kane cautiously talks to Sinclair, who's obviously helping them. Kane says it's his last chance to pull out and he says he wouldn't miss it as nearby Monty is watching and reporting to Bellamy. And by now we're all thinking this is bad and it isn't going to end well. I was convinced that Sinclair might die, I thought they might kill the traitors in their eyes, but then again they can't in front of their own people. I'd hope that most people would be against killing their own.

In the room the rover is kept Sinclair, being an engineer, is working with Kane nearby sitting and watching him, both clearly up to something. Sinclair goes under the rover and begins fiddling with it. Bellamy shows up as Kane informs Sinclair he's closing in. Bellamy asks what he's up to and if he has a work order to be doing it. Bellamy grabs his radio and Sinclair runs. They catch him and he's arrested for treason. I'm surprised he tried to run, he knows he would not get very far when you're in an enclosed camp with nowhere to go, it also makes you look guilty. Now they'll have to make an example out of him, but the question is how?

K - Did anyone else notice how evil Bellamy looked in this moment? That look on his face really took me by surprise.. Like nothing could hurt him, and how he was in charge. . I don't know why it bothered me as much as it did.


M - Pike, Hannah, and Bellamy try to interrogate Sinclair but he won't talk. Pike asks for Bellamy's gun as you can see the fear and concern on his face. You can see this is all testing his morals, but can he take much more in ignoring them? Bellamy somewhat reluctantly hands his gun over. Admit it, we all thought for a moment Pike was going to shoot him! But he instead uses the gun to destroy the listening device but he's still not out of the water yet. Bellamy tries to get him sent to lockup because he isn't talking, but Hannah says on the Ark traitors would have been floated. And for once Pike makes the right choice saying, "But we're not on the Ark."

K - I admit that I didn't know what Pike was going to do with that gun either.. And neither did anyone in that room. Thank goodness Pike didn't use it to shoot Sinclair. I thought that was a really strong moment for Pike when he said they aren't on the Ark anymore, because it showed that there really is a part of him that truly believes what he is doing is all to protect his people.

M - They can't possibly be thinking of doing this. On the Ark rule breakers are floated but you are no longer in space and on the Ark with limited space and air, you're on the ground now. Bellamy is clearly against it and harming his own people, and that's the difference between him and the others. Surprisingly Pike actually understands this, that they're no longer on the Ark, but I don't think it's over yet, that he's done with Sinclair.



M - Raven and Jasper continue trying to crack Monty's password. I wish they would stop using Jasper's pain for their gain. Jasper can't figure out how Raven knows that all his password suggestions are wrong without trying them, Jasper not knowing A.L.I.E is there, and has access to the system. Jasper reminisces about how they used to hang out on the Ark at Monty's favourite place, playing which planet would you rather, revealing that Monty always chose Earth. The password is a number code representing Earth.

K - This moment made me miss Monty and Jasper. I just want them to be friends again!


M - Monty and his mother have a moment, as he doubts what he did to help was right, by helping lock up his mentor. Hannah tells him that "If something helps you survive, it's always the right thing." .. So taking people's land therefore taking their own food and supplies from them, and killing innocent people is right because you think it will help you survive. But it turns out Pike taught her that, and now it makes more sense. You can't just do anything, especially bad things and think it's right because you think it will help you to survive. There is right and wrong and a fine line in-between. You can't just excuse your unacceptable actions.

K - Now it's clear that Monty is doing all of this and choosing this side for his mother. We know Monty is a good person and he wouldn't do some of the things he has done, but having only found his mother and feeling like she's all he has left then of course he's going to cling to that, and be on her side.


M - They shove Sinclair into the lock up with the Grounders as Lincoln asks him what he did to get in here, and surprisingly he replies with anything it took and that he has a message from Kane, to get ready and that tonight's a go. It seems they didn't fall for Pike's plan after all. They actually out played them, they out played the players. I shouldn't have doubted Kane. But what's tonight? Are they breaking out the Grounders? I think there's more to it than that.

K - Yes to this plan! I was so happy to see that this was all a part of their plan. So happy to see Lincoln also, I've missed him this season.

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M - Kane is standing, waiting, thinking deeply as Bellamy approaches. He points out it wasn't much of a plan and for a split second I thought he was going to help them. He says people are losing focus, that a threat is outside the walls and Kane replies with, "The threats are inside the walls." Yes Kane. Thank you. He's right. But Bellamy still cannot see this. Bellamy sees Monroe's death as Kane's fault and Kane says what about Sinclair, you don't think he's going to be the next one to die. I thought this too. Bellamy is shocked at this and is positively sure that it won't happen.

K - This is how we know that Kane wants to lead his people with hope because he still believes Bellamy has good inside of him despite all of the mistakes he's been making. Kane is who Bellamy needs right now. He has always had people thinking the best of him when he doesn't think it himself, such as Clarke and Octavia, and I'm happy that Kane hasn't given up on him otherwise I think we'd really lose him.

M - Kane knows the people will turn against Pike. They'll either starve, be locked up if they disagree with him, or die if the Grounders decide to go to war, and by then it will be too late. Come on Bellamy listen to Kane. I know it will be Kane that will break through his walls, but when? He asks him to choose the right side as Bellamy says that's what I came here to ask you. As they're pitted against each other, on different sides of the battlefield. And in a battle only one side can succeed. Will it be the right one?


M - Miller's boyfriend Bryan returns home to their place, as Miller is getting ready to leave for guard duty. You can tell he is up to something. You can see he suspects him. You can see he's betrayed him and their relationship. It's all over his face.. And then when he picked up his jacket and offered it to him I immediately knew he had placed a bug on him. Is it worth it? Do you support Pike that much that you would risk the man you love's life?

K - We've seen how both of them are on different sides and again we are just continuing to see how Pike's leadership is pitting everyone against one another.. Making them make horrible decisions.

M - Miller clearly doesn't hide from his boyfriend the dislike and disagreement he has for Pike's policies. As he kisses him goodbye you can see the pain and regret all over Bryan. It then shows Bellamy asking him if the bug is in place. Bellamy saying he's a good man and he asks am I? He questions if any of it is worth lying to the one he loves as this catches Monty's attention.

K - Is it worth it people? Is it? I don't think so because I don't think Pike will be coming out on top when this is said and done. Choose the right side!


M - Raven and Jasper have five minutes before the password resets as they enter Pike's office looking for the chipmaker. They search the room as Jasper talks about how crazy it all is, the ultimatum, the Grounders outside, and how they've been here before. Raven still showing no feeling, nothing towards the mention of the past and what she's been through, as Jasper again notices her lack of care and reaction to the mention of Finn. Jasper asks her if she remembers as Raven says why would she want to remember that?

K - I liked the moment where Jasper says what we are ALL thinking about history repeating itself. . .

M - Jasper thinks if you take the chip you don't feel the pain anymore, you can remember the memories you made with the person you lost and be happy. But that's not how it works at all. You don't feel pain because you don't remember them at all. Jasper mentions the necklace Finn gave her, as Raven can't even remember their first kiss. She can't remember anything about him as A.L.I.E says that it's not important. Raven turns to A.L.I.E asking her when it was as Jasper finds the chipmaker. Raven asks for it from Jasper as A.L.I.E says take it and go. As Jasper hands it to her, her arm stretches out to take it but you can see her hesitate and struggle with it as if she's trying to stop her arm from taking it, like she was being controlled or influenced, like she was fighting something. A.L.I.E says again take it and go but the thought of not remembering Finn is too strong, Raven realizes that she can't let A.L.I.E have the chipmaker as she leaves it behind and her and Jasper run.

K - YES RAVEN! We all know how strong Raven is and in this moment it truly shined because she was able to get away from A.L.I.E. It kind of did seem like A.L.I.E can make the people who take the chip do certain things against their will, but Raven was able to do what she wanted and not listen to A.L.I.E because she is strong as hell! It broke my heart seeing her not being able to remember Finn at all, but it made me happy that this realization finally came and set her in the right direction, hopefully.

M - I think Raven realized that someone or something was messing with her head. Resisting it took an unimaginable amount of strength from Raven. It was great to watch. It's only beginning to show what she's capable of. But I'm curious as to what will happen now. Can she get rid of the effects of the chip?


M - Kane asks to meet with Pike. Pike hoping he's here to surrender. Surrender really!? At the same time Bellamy goes to see Sinclair as he says he's ready to talk. What are they up to, we know he wouldn't really give them up. There is some sort of plan in motion. As Sinclair is about to talk Lincoln begins to get agitated, and angry that he's turning on his own people like a coward. It's clearly a set up. Lincoln says you'll tell them nothing as he grabs Sinclair and begins punching him, but not actually hitting him. Bellamy's weakness is that he cares, no matter how much he denies it. The moment the door opens the Grounders make a break for it and it's not long before the alarm sounds.

K - I agree that Bellamy's weakness is that he cares, but I also think it's his greatest strength and what makes him such a great leader. Look at all that pain on Lincoln's face as he stares down someone he once saw as a friend. I think it's killing him that Bellamy chose the wrong side of things.


M - The guards can't use their guns because they're low on ammo and Pike has yet to give the order to kill them, so they're no match for Grounders, they're trained to fight, and in close combat they have the advantage. Pike sends the rest of his guards to help, leaving just him and Kane as Kane pulls out one of their shock batons and knocks out Pike. I did not see that coming.

K - I didn't see that coming either! Yes Kane! Something about Pike's expression, while talking to Kane, showed that there was more pain behind his reasonings for hating the Grounders as much as he does..

M - Bellamy finally gets up from taking a hit and I thought he was going to go for Lincoln and hurt him, leading to the scene we all know is coming where Octavia beats up her own brother. But that moment was not now. I don't think I'm ready for that.

K - I'm not ready for that either. . .

M - Monty overhears that this is all a distraction and that Kane is after Pike. He's taking him to the Grounders and is going to leave through the gate, and by now I'm screaming for Monty not to do it, not to warn them and give away their plan. I thought finally Pike would no longer be in command, but sadly Monty warns Bellamy and he takes off to stop Kane.

As the Grounders fall, Kane drives for the gate in the rover with Pike in the back. By now the tension is so high, they are so close now and if they fail it will be disastrous. Kane is almost to the gate, about to smash through when Bellamy jumps in front of the rover's way and Kane hits the breaks. We all know he wasn't going to do it. Kane can't hurt Bellamy as he screams for him to get out of the way. Me too Kane, me too! They are stuck in a stand off. All Bellamy has to do is stand aside. I thought this might finally be the moment we've been waiting for. I was hoping so much. I thought he would, that this would be the moment he woke up. But he doesn't and Kane gives up knowing they've failed as he's arrested. WHY BELLAMY, WHY.

K - I told you that I tweeted out "WTF Bellamy WTF" a lot throughout this episode. . . They were SO close!


M - A.L.I.E discusses with Jaha Raven's unwillingness to listening to her, as it has never happened before. A.L.I.E says, "Free will and the need for consent are part of my core programing. I cannot override them." One question.. Why would you? As Jaha says he knows she can't but maybe he can..

K - These two are starting to really irritate me.. They are an evil duo who are set in getting their own goals done without caring who they hurt during the process. I guess that should have been obvious though when A.L.I.E's first request from Jaha was to help her with the missile, he came down on from the Ark, and when he was more intrigued by her than upset that she'd think he would help her with it.


M - Pike has full authority in determining Kane's punishment and we all know it's going to be bad. Kane begs Pike one last time to see the world as it is not as it was or as he wants it to be. Pike says if he thought it would secure their safety he would give himself up. No you wouldn't Pike, you wouldn't turn yourself in for your people's safety otherwise you would have done it already, if you really knew what was right for them, if you truly understood you would.

K - I loved the moment where Kane was talking to Pike and what he said to him, "But these are times when we have to look beyond the rules. To realize they were established to serve a world of the past not of the future." Kane is right and for someone who said they weren't on the Ark anymore I don't understand how Pike does not see this himself. They are on the ground where many things have now changed.. It's time to change the rules and make a new future than what was always done on the Ark.

M - Pike shockingly sentences Kane to death. This completely crushes Bellamy, as tears are in his eyes, as the man he looks up to is going to be killed. At one point he even loses it for a second before asking Pike if they're really doing this. Bellamy wants to protect his people not execute them.

K - Kane told you Bellamy.. He told you that Pike wouldn't bat an eye at killing one of his own people. I think this was the moment that finally broke Bellamy. He was shocked. We weren't shocked.. But he was. It broke my heart that something so huge as Kane getting sentenced to death would be the thing to change Bellamy and put him back on the right side, but I'm glad it happened so he could finally open his eyes and see where being on the wrong side has led him.

M - Pike says, "Crimes against our leadership can't be tolerated." In other words if they don't agree with you or try to oppose you, you'll sentence them to death. You're killing your own people, how does that make you any better than the Grounders who killed your people, and their blood must have blood rule. It doesn't actually. It's worse cause no blood has been spilled.

Pike says, "I hope his execution makes it clear once and for all where people's allegiances need to lie." They don't need to put their allegiances in you, you can't threaten them and make them, they make their own choice. Are you hearing what you're saying, you want to execute one of your own. And at this moment you can literally see Bellamy switch sides. You just lost Bellamy, Pike. Without him, you will fall. He is the key. You just sealed your fate Pike, you just made Bellamy realize what you really are. THANK YOU!

K - Yes, thank you! Thank you Pike for showing Bellamy your true colors.

M - When you think about it, it was threatening and the possibility of taking Kane's life away that finally woke Bellamy up. That makes my heart squeal. I just love their relationship. They've come so far. He's the father he never had.

As Kane is placed in lock up he holds his head high even when facing death. And EVERYONE is looking to him! Even after they failed, they believe in him, they stand beside him.

K - The episode cuts to a lot of different people reflecting on their lives in Arkadia. We see their pain and we see how Pike has truly put all of them on separate sides. And how strong of an influence Jaha and A.L.I.E have had without Pike even realizing it.


M - Only Bellamy and Monty know that Miller and Harper were also involved as Hannah walks to them. She congratulates both of them, saying she's proud. She asks them if they were able to identify anyone else who was working with Kane but Bellamy says no! And Monty too! AS THEY BOTH CHANGE SIDES! Hallelujah! Our Bellamy is back. The redemption arc is coming! This is not a drill!

Many people weren't happy with the writers and what they were making Bellamy do. It was like they were throwing all his character development out the window. But I'm beyond happy we will soon have our Bellamy back!

K - I am right there with you.. I am incredibly happy that Bellamy is back! Bob Morley is an incredible actor, and we are truly lucky to have him as our Bellamy. He's been killing it this season and finally we get to see Bellamy come back to us. I loved how what he said at the beginning of the show, he repeats to Hannah, "I do it every day." YEA YOU DO! Same words but a whole new meaning behind them. Yes Bellamy, yes!

M - What an episode! The amount of moments we almost had, the possibilities, the tension drove me crazy. I can't wait for the next episode! Which is not this week, sadly there's a two-week break which we will now have to survive. . .

K - Another great episode! I always enjoy seeing the more political side to things on The 100.. I think the last stretch of this season has been set up well and I can't wait to see what the rest of the season brings us! Also, here's to having Clarke almost home to her people!


Stealing Fire Promo:



You can watch season 1 and 2 of The 100 on Netflix now! Remember to tune in on March 31 at 9/8c when The 100 returns on The CW.
Join us that weekend as we recap episode nine. We can't wait to discuss all things The 100 with you!




xxo


THIS MOMENT

This Moment is a weekly ritual of a single photo - no words - capturing a special moment from the week. These photos represent a moment that is dear to my heart, whether it be of someone or something I love.




xxo



THE FORBIDDEN WISH

Simply Nicollette reviews - books, movies, television shows, etc. with slight spoilers. I try my best to review without giving away too much of the story.


The Forbidden Wish by Jessica Khoury is a beautifully written retelling of Aladdin, that brings to life all the things we love so much about the original tale. It's romantic, adventurous, and magical!



Goodreads Summary // She is the most powerful Jinni of all. He is a boy from the streets. Their love will shake the world..

When Aladdin discovers Zahra's jinni lamp, Zahra is thrust back into a world she hasn't seen in hundreds of years -- a world where magic is forbidden and Zahra's very existence is illegal. She must disguise herself to stay alive, using ancient shape-shifting magic, until her new master has selected his three wishes.

But when the King of the Jinn offers Zahra a chance to be free of her lamp forever, she seizes the opportunity - only to discover she is falling in love with Aladdin. When saving herself means betraying him, Zahra must decide once and for all: is winning her freedom worth losing her heart?

As time unravels and her enemies close in, Zahra finds herself suspended between danger and desire in this dazzling retelling of Aladdin from acclaimed author Jessica Khoury.


"She told me that sometimes, you can't choose what happens to you, but you can choose who you become because of it."


What I loved most about this book was that our main character is the Jinni. Zahra is such an interesting character right when we meet her. She may come off as a bit evil but underneath that hardened shell there is a kind spirit. Our story begins with Aladdin being led to her lamp in the fallen city of Neruby.

Once Aladdin rubs the lamp and releases Zahra, they become linked, and Zahra must grant him three wishes. They soon run into trouble when they come across Prince Doran, and that's when Aladdin chooses to make his very first wish to take him home to Parthenia. Jessica Khoury's writing is absolutely beautiful, and as Zahra grants Aladdin's wish I appreciated the fact that it wasn't described as just a snap of her fingers.. No, it was beautifully described as this magnificent power and how she has to bend the world to grant it. It's clear how powerful Zahra, and the Jinn, truly are.

In Parthenia we find out more about Aladdin and Zahra's past. They are both more than what meets the eye, and have many layers to who they truly are. I loved them, of course Aladdin was similar to the character we all already know and love, but it surprised me how much I enjoyed Zahra as the Jinni. They were both strong and brave and found a way to balance each other out throughout the entire story.


"Wish for her love, and I will deliver it to you."
He smiles grimly. "Then it wouldn't be love."
"And what do you know about love?"
"That it must be a choice."
"Oh, my naive thief." I pause briefly to meet his gaze.
"Love is rarely a choice."


As the story continues we are introduced to more characters, which include Princess Caspida, who reminded me of Princess Jasmine from the original tale, and her handmaidens. This book had such strong female characters AND strong female friendships, which I always appreciate in any book. These girls were tough and badass, and yet had their vulnerable side to them too. I enjoyed getting to know them because they were great additions to this story.

I don't want to spoil too much of the story so I'll give you a shortened version of everything that happens next.. After coming across Princess Caspida and her handmaidens, Aladdin and Zahra find themselves at the palace where they both have separate agendas they hope to accomplish while there.


"The things that were once sweet to me are now bitter. The sun is not half so bright. The stars seem dimmer. All this wealth and luxury feels meaningless. All the world is in your shadow, Zahra. I cannot help but see you when I close my eyes."


The romance was blended perfectly with the action throughout the story. I couldn't help but fall in love with the sweet blooming romance between Zahra and Aladdin, no matter how predictable it was in the beginning. As they grew closer we were able to learn more about their past and how they both have ended up where they now are.


"This war between our people has gone on far too long. Let it end today. Aladdin and Zahra are my citizens, and I will defend them to my last breath."


We find out the truth behind the fallen city of Neruby and how it affected the city of Parthenia. There were many events, that I wish I could tell you without spoiling you, that led to the war going on between the Jinn and humans. In the end it all comes down to the epic battle that was full of action, girl power, and magic! Again, the writing was amazing because I felt like I was right there slicing knives and shape-shifting into a tiger as Zahra was.

The story wraps up in a beautiful way leaving you with a sense of hope. Honestly The Forbidden Wish felt as if it was inspired by Aladdin instead of being a true retelling, but I didn't mind this. It was unique and fresh, and I enjoyed seeing characters I already loved being placed in a new story. The book was full of many great things such as incredible world building, strong characters - even the villains were intriguing, a sweet romance, and lots of fun action.

Overall, I loved this book! All the revelations and truths surrounding these characters kept me on my toes wondering how it would all end. There wasn't much I didn't like about this book because the writing made up for any tiny flaw I came across.

I would recommend this book to anyone who enjoys adventures, loves Aladdin, enjoyed reading 'The Wrath and the Dawn', or who simply loves fantasy stories!


"What do we do now?" asks Ensi, looking around at the destruction.
"We mourn what has been lost," Caspida replies.
"And tomorrow, we rise."



RATING:

5 out of 5 stars


- - -


Have you read The Forbidden Wish yet? What did you think? Leave me a comment and let me know!


xxo


THE 100 // SEASON 3 "THIRTEEN" RECAP

Simply Nicollette's recap posts for The 100 will contain spoilers



I am still a bit speechless after watching this episode. . .
There is so much to talk about today! Maddi and I are excited to be sharing our thoughts about each episode throughout this entire season with you. You can read our recap of "Bitter Harvest" here.
Let's try to talk through all of our emotions now!



Thirteen Synopsis:

"Lexa tries to maintain peace and order within the clans, and Clarke uncovers a strange and game-changing truth. Meanwhile, a flashback takes us into the darker chapter of humanity's past."




Maddi - The 100 opens with us back at Polis. Beneath the surface of the bustling city, thriving with life, is a dark place. The room Murphy is being held prisoner in. Murphy awakens, exhausted from being tortured, to Titus who is kneeling behind him. When I saw Titus in that moment to me he looked very sick and disturbed. Like someone who's loosing their grip, their grip on their sanity.

I remember when Murphy used to be disliked by many, but now he's grown into a character that's loved by all. I wish they'd stop hurting him.

Kristy - Murphy has definitely become a stronger character since the one he once was when we first met him in season one. He's gone through so much, and his recent actions are justified in my eyes. I don't blame him for running away from Jaha and turning to that kind of life with Emori. It's sad to see that lifestyle has led him here with Titus though.

M - Titus stands before him. He continues to question Murphy about the chip with the sacred symbol on it that Jaha gave him. Titus wants to know how a Sky Person came to be in possession of their most holy symbol. Yet when those Grounders found it and saw what it was they looked afraid and fearful. . .

Titus tells us, "This is the sacred symbol of the Commander to whom I've dedicated my life." If it's the symbol of the Commander, why does A.L.I.E have it, why did it come from her?

K - Murphy tells Titus, "It's a corporate label." This was really interesting to me because I find it mind blowing that this sacred symbol of theirs is something someone created.. not something bigger than who they are as humans, and yet their whole being is surrounded by this chip.

As they continue talking Murphy tells Titus, "She's a computer program.. but I get that's hard for you to grasp considering you pray to garbage. No offense. Obviously."

M - Titus continues to ask about the computer program A.L.I.E that gave Jaha these chips and ended the world. Murphy says his people thought it was countries and politics that caused the end, but they were wrong, as we go into a flashback from 97 years earlier.


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M - We've been waiting a long time to hear more of the story before theirs. I've been dying to learn of the past and what happened, what transpired, what caused the world to become the way it is today. We finally get to see some more pieces of the puzzle. We first see a machine working on a chip similar to one of Jaha's, by Becca. Is it the same thing Jaha has or just where it came from, it's beginning? And what are they making it for?

K - These flashbacks, finally!! If I'm being honest I've missed seeing flashbacks of the Ark and being in space, and these flashbacks brought a reminder of how much I truly enjoy watching this show and seeing this story progress. I wouldn't be mad if one day we got a prequel show to The 100, where life is on the Ark way before the 100 were even born.

M - The artificial intelligence's control module continues to malfunction. They're trying to perfect the neural interface, "It's the key to everything." They say if they can't crack it they might as well go back to the A.L.I.E code and start again.

K - Did anyone else notice the language Becca spoke when she was talking to the A.I.?

M - When they suddenly get an incoming message. It's the man from the bunker video that Murphy found. He says A.L.I.E's gotten out and is cracking systems as Becca realizes she's hacking the nuclear launch codes. Becca's assistant asks why would she do that and she simply replies with too many people. Too many people as in not enough food, land, resources for all the people on the ground? Why too many people?

They try to send a virus to kill A.L.I.E but the man already tried it and it's not working. The Commander of the station walks in revealing, there's a situation on the ground and that 27 missiles have been launched from China and they're headed for the United States, and they don't know why. As it shows them looking out of the window to their planet as they stand aboard Polaris, the 13th Station.

K - They only state the missiles that launch from China, but at the end of the flashback it's clear there were more missiles.. but now I'm left curious about the rest of the world. Is it all like life in the United States?

M - The Commander tells the crew to contact their family, as we all know this will be the last time with them. They stand there motionless and lifeless as no possible words can describe what they are feeling and seeing as they watch the missiles fly towards their targets from the safety of space. We watch the Commander say his last ever words to his wife and child as the call abruptly ends, and our hearts shatter along with the characters as we watch their world end.

K - My heart shattered once I heard that little girl's voice! I got goosebumps while watching this scene.. So many innocent people. So many deaths and they can't do anything but watch. It was truly heartbreaking watching this, as Becca ends with "What have I done?"


M - Back at Polis, it's Ascension Day, the day they honor the previous Commanders. In comes charging the Grounders from the village as Titus promised they would be heard, with Octavia being dragged along as a prisoner. I noticed they called Titus the Flamekeeper, I wonder what that means?

They have come seeking justice as Clarke learns of the attack on the village. The villagers ask Lexa to avenge them as Semet riles them up in support for the death of the Sky People.


M - Lexa is furious that Titus brought this to her on Ascension Day. It also puts her in a dangerous position. Titus tries to use this to persuade Lexa and her decision. He uses what the Sky People did, their breaking of the "blood must not have blood" rule, it's failure, to get vengeance and war. He was unnervingly eager to do this, to kill them, to go to war. It is very worrisome.

K - Lexa is trying extremely hard to bring peace to this world, and we see it written on her face how furious this is making her and how hard these decisions have been. Titus is relentless when it comes to making Lexa change her mind about "blood must not have blood" and it seems as if he won't stop at anything to get Lexa to do what he feels is the right thing. Maybe he thinks it makes Lexa look weak, but to me she looks the opposite by choosing to not shed any more blood.

M - Lexa asks Clarke for her opinion. Clarke says she knows not all of her people agree with Pike and that some voted for Kane. They need time to see the error they've made, the wrong they've done in choosing Pike, to fix it and elect a new leader. Clarke believing her people will remove Pike themselves. Now Lexa must choose between killing all of the Sky People or hoping they see their wrong doings and elect a new leader.


M - Lexa raises the armies of the 12 Clans but not to attack to contain. To blockade the Sky People from killing and taking what's not theirs. And now the Sky People must make that choice too, to either bring death to themselves or elect a new leader.

Containing them is a great idea when you're running out of decisions and ideas to stop war. However there is one major flaw. You have armies of people surrounding the people they hate most and you expect them not to attack when they're at arms reach. They may not follow their orders. They could easily disobey and attack. It's one hell of a gamble. Titus is livid she came up with it, he almost had his way but again it slipped through his fingers. But I'm sure Titus will also see this and use it to his advantage, doing whatever it takes to cause the armies to attack if they go there. The Sky People will see this as a major threat and a strike towards them, maybe even a challenge in the eyes of Pike. They will not sit for this.

K - If we know anything about Pike then we know that he's going to take their blockade as a challenge, look what he did to the army that was there to actually protect them. I admire Lexa for this decision, but a part of me feels like this is a bad idea because the Grounder's feelings and pain are too fresh, and some are not going to be able to sit still, as with some of the Sky People.

M - Lexa gives the Sky People time to take out their leader from within. Once they rise up against Pike they will be welcomed back as one of them, as the 13th Clan. As riders make for the armies and Arkadia Lexa issues a kill order for any Sky Person who crosses the blockade. An unhappy Semet asks, "How is this vengeance?" and Lexa says, "It is not vengeance, my brother. It is justice."

It was great to see Lexa stand for this. There is a difference between vengeance and justice. Semet is beyond consolable when hearing this after having lost his whole family. "If the spirit of the Commander will not protect us.. then what will?" and then he makes a decision that will end his life as he screams "Death to the Commander," pulling out a knife and charging for Lexa.

Titus jumps in front of Lexa and takes down Semet in seconds with his own weapon. Semet never had a chance of harming Lexa, not only are there guards everywhere but he clearly announced what his intention was, giving them just enough time to act.

K - That was brutal. And important. I think this showed that Titus is really trying to protect Lexa, especially when it comes to her decisions. I think Titus has been around for a long time and has seen many things in his life.. He feels as if he knows what has worked best for the Commanders and what hasn't and he's trying to advise Lexa the best he can. All of his actions, to him, stem from respect for her.. To us it looks more like he's becoming more dangerous. . .

M - Afterwards Titus shows no remorse or any real emotion after taking the man's life, taking the life of one of his own people. All he can say for himself and his actions is "Blood must have blood," as he continues to grow into a very dangerous threat.


M - Murphy still trapped in the room manages to break free of his chains and tries to escape. He cannot unlock the door that's kept him imprisoned, as he begins to notice the drawings all over the walls. He pulls a rod that's holding up the access to the pod and the door falls, revealing itself to Murphy. The words Pol--is written on its side as Murphy begins to put pieces of the story together. Polis' name came from a pod from the Ark station Polaris, as we go into another flashback.

Aboard Polaris Becca injects something into herself. My first thought was I don't think that's vitamins, but then I realized that whatever she was injecting was black, and then I immediately knew Becca is the cause of the black blood. Because she was the first one with it, she was the first ever Nightblood, and the first ever Commander of the Grounders. MIND BLOWN! Now all that was left was to wait and watch the rest of the story play out, and to see if my thought was true.

K - BLACK BLOOD! My mind is blown, too! I honestly still don't understand too much as to why they are injected with black blood.. or how they still do these injections, if they are injections still, when they clearly don't have a lab like Becca did? But yes, mind blown about that black blood!


M - Then in comes barging the Commander of the station, ordering her to step away from her instruments and questioning her nature of her research, after finding out the artificial intelligence Becca designed ended the world, but that she is also still working on it. It's Unity Day and they will soon be docking with the other 12 stations. But if they dock they will be giving the A.I. access to the last of the human race and we already know that it doesn't mind killing a whole race so what's stopping it from taking out the last of it? Is that why they blew themselves out of the sky, the only way to save them?

Why the hell would you continue working on something that ended the world? That's just crazy but if she's trying to fix the A.I. or kill it I do see the side she's coming from, but something is telling me she wasn't trying to destroy it. Becca believes the A.I. will save them. Now she either knows something we don't or she has put all of her hope into the wrong thing. As I'm re-watching the episode Becca says A.L.I.E 1 didn't understand what it was to be human but A.L.I.E 2 will.

Is that why A.L.I.E tried to find her second version? Does she want to use it or destroy it? Does she know A.L.I.E 2 might be the only one able to save them from A.L.I.E herself? That's when Becca said A.L.I.E 2 was designed to interface with humanity and to coexist with them.

K - Major revelation here! This is exactly what Becca tells them, "A.L.I.E 1 didn't understand what it meant to be human, yes, but A.L.I.E 2 will. It's designed to interface with humanity on a biological level. It will understand the value of life by co-existing with us."

Becca is determined to save A.L.I.E 2 as she tells the Commander, "Killing it is killing us." This was the moment where everything started to click together for me, that Becca was probably the one who caused the 13th station to blow up, that she could've been the one to bring A.L.I.E 2 to the ground, and that somehow this A.I. was linked to the Commanders of the Grounders.

M - I realized that was what was in Lexa. . . A.L.I.E 2 was in Lexa.

It's probably helping the Commander to keep the humans alive, helping them to survive. Then I remembered Lexa's nightmare she had in the last episode, the one she thought was a warning. It may have been from the A.I. That's why she overlooked it as a dream, that's why she was positive it was a message, she knew, a part of her knew.. Maybe that's what the device does, maybe that's how it connects or how they connect together.


M - Back at Polis Octavia has been freed, she's angry they now have a kill order on all of their heads and that Clarke is yet again defending Lexa as Clarke goes to talk with her.

K - There is still a lot of unsaid words between Clarke and Octavia, but this is not the time for them to make amends. Octavia is angry as she can't believe Clarke is still defending Lexa when she's the one who abandoned them at Mount Weather, and she feels like she's doing it all over again with the kill order. Octavia also mentions Indra and questions why she wasn't standing by Lexa's side as Clarke tells her that she isn't doing so well, but they can't deal with that right now. When Clarke leaves she tells Octavia to stay in her room, but of course Octavia wants answers herself so she leaves afterwards by saying, "Yeah right."


M - Clarke enters Lexa's room.

K - There we see Lexa is meditating, but now that we know about A.L.I.E 2 I can't help but think she's seeking help from the previous Commanders and from A.L.I.E 2 who, like Becca said, knows what's best for humanity because it is them. Clarke is oblivious, "Someone tried to kill you today. How are you this calm?" I don't blame her for questioning Lexa because I would be just as oblivious as she is if I didn't know about A.L.I.E 2.

M - Lexa knows Clarke is angry about the kill order but it's the only way to enforce the blockade. Lexa asks Clarke to stay behind. This is a bad idea. The Grounders want the Sky People stopped and Lexa enforces a blockade for all Sky People but it doesn't apply for Clarke. She gets to run free just because the Commander feels for her. It would be undermining her own decision and command. Her people won't be happy with that, but I know that Clarke will not stay in Polis. She knows what that choice could cause.

K - These two really care about each other, and that is clear the moment Lexa asks her to stay on her side of the line. I felt a little betrayed when it seemed that Clarke might say yes to this offer. Her people are the Sky People and if she chose to stay I don't think anyone, maybe myself included (as a viewer), could ever forgive her for looking as if she didn't choose her own people in this line that is being crossed between the Grounders and Sky People.

M - Titus comes in and Lexa informs him she asked her to stay in Polis as her guest and you can see the fury on Titus' face after hearing this. He asks Clarke to leave se he can talk with Lexa. He begs her to remember his teachings that, "Love is weakness" .. So that's where she learnt it, now it makes sense. "To be Commander is to be alone," as Lexa does not want to hear this again as he tells her that her feelings put both her and Clarke in danger. "Your kill order must be fully enforced," and for once we actually agree on something but I don't think it is because of the same reasons. A feeling tells me he may want every Sky Person back at Arkadia, behind the perimeter, so if for some reason they attack there will be no survivors, it would be the end of SkaiKru.

"Don't make her pay the price for your mistakes as Costia did," even I knew that this was a very hurtful, cheap shot at Lexa as the look on her face says it all. Lexa flames alight after this and rightfully so, her fire intensifying more with every word. "My mistakes. . . Azgeda cut off Costia's head and delivered it to my bed, and still I let them into my alliance. I am more than capable of separating feelings from duty!" Titus apologies, "I did not mean to offend you," as Lexa calls him out, "Yes you did.. but you also mean well."

K - I enjoy seeing more of Lexa and Titus' relationship being revealed to us, although I have to admit that it confuses me even more because I'm not sure if he's dangerous or truly making these suggestions because he cares and respects Lexa? Well, I am glad that I'm not alone on agreeing with Titus that Clarke should go home to her people. Ultimately Lexa leaves the decision to Clarke after Titus asks if he can make arrangements for her departure.


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M - Octavia goes in search for Indra after learning that she has not been doing well and after Clarke dismisses her concern for her, "We can't focus on that now." You can't focus on someone who's struggling, someone who needs help. Someone your friend cares about. I know times are tense, but that was a bit harsh. Octavia finds Indra, greeting her, "I came to honor you," as Indra responds "There is no honor here."

Octavia asks for her help, for her council, from the woman who she served under, the warrior who taught her to be herself as she goes back to fight her own people, her own brother if it comes to it but she can't do it alone. Indra refuses and Octavia tells Indra she can either stay here and feel sorry for herself or come back with her and get her revenge. Octavia walks out leaving Indra to make the choice, and in this moment Octavia really was on of the Grounders, spirit and all.

K - We see how much pain Indra is in. She tells Octavia, "I should have died on that field," and Octavia replies with "We all die," leaving her with that decision to either get up or continue to fall.

I've always loved their relationship. I also agree that Octavia was truly the spirit of a Grounder in this moment, and she was so much more. Octavia is her own person, and that is what I admire so much about her. In this world where she is supposed to either be exactly like the Sky People or exactly like the Grounders, she is her own person who is mixed with both and mostly pieces of her own.


M - Titus returns to the room he's holding Murphy in to find he's gone. Now it's obvious he couldn't get out through the locked door and there's no other exit, so he's clearly still in the room, hidden ready to ambush him when he unlocks the door, giving Murphy the moment he needs to escape. Exactly this happens. Murphy attacks but as we know Titus can handle himself and he takes him down almost killing him. In this moment it was like Titus really lost himself, his piercing eyes full of emptiness. Murphy begs him to stop as he promises to tell him everything he knows about the chip and Polaris.

Murphy explains the pod is called Polaris but the A and R burned off in re-entry giving us Polis. He tells Titus that Polaris was a part of their story too and this catches his attention but he rejects this, "My faith has got nothing to do with yours."

Murphy tries to prove it using the drawing on the walls saying the world ended with the mushroom cloud, that's why they had to stay in space, that's why they're called SkaiKru. He says the story goes that Polaris was the only station not to join with the rest and they blew them out of the sky. Murphy thinks that the person in the drawing, the woman standing above all the others like a savior, somehow got out in time as Titus calls her the first Nightbleeder. After seeing the drawings I knew that Becca was the woman in them, the first Commander who fell out of the sky.

K - My mind continues to be blown as we see how much the Grounders and the Sky People's history is so much alike.. and yet these two groups are fighting each other instead of trying to coexist with one another.

I just have to say that I am really enjoying learning more about the past and the origin story of both the Grounders and the Sky People, because I thought I knew a lot about the Sky People and yet here I am continuing to be amazed at all the things I didn't know at all.

M - Titus is not happy hearing this, knowing deep down that Murphy is right that their Commander came from the same place they did as he knocks him out from behind and we go into another flashback.

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M - We see black blood falling and a knife dropping and Becca standing up, but we see no wound. It's not until re-watching it that I realize that she implanted the device she made in herself, in the back of her neck, the same as Lexa.

The Commander asks Becca to reconsider if they don't get back in line to join the stations they will open fire. She simply says if you don't want them to fire get back in line, but he knows the moment they dock with the other stations the A.I. will infect them all, leaving him in a very difficult position.

Becca packs up her briefcase full of those black injections, ready to leave. This is when I realize she may have injected some of the Grounders as we already know only a person with black blood, a Nightblood, can be Commander. I think it's because it's the only way the device will work, or be compatible, or something along those lines. The blood is important in relation to the device otherwise anyone could have been Commander. She injected people to begin that line of blood throughout them, in grading it into them as it furthers itself and passes on throughout many generations.

K - That makes sense! I wasn't sure if the black blood could continue and get passed down the line as the generations grew, but if it could then this makes perfect sense. I agree that the black blood is important and must be how A.L.I.E 2 could be compatible with humans, and only certain Grounders would have this to make them eligible to be the next Commander.

M - Becca apologizes, "This is not what I wanted," as she puts on a space suit and enters the pod. The pod ejects, descending for Earth as the Commander begins to move the station back into line but the other stations will not allow this as they open fire on the 13th station, "If we're going to survive up here, extreme measure will be required." I don't think blowing them up is a good way to form unity. The 13th station was destroyed for not complying with the other 12 stations. Will the 13th Clan share their fate? There is no such thing as coincidence in this show!

K - Now I understand what Jaha said in the last episode that this was not the Unity Day story that would've brought the Sky People together. . .

M - I couldn't help but think why didn't the other stations nearby notice the pod, wouldn't their systems, technology, or computers have picked up that a pod was launched, that something survived the explosion, that something was descending into Earth's atmosphere?


M - Octavia goes to see Clarke, she figures out that Lexa told Clarke that she could stay, but Clarke has yet to make that decision. Octavia knows and so does Clarke that Pike will not obey the blockade, that they must stop him and more of their people from being killed. Clarke wonders "What if I can do more for them by just staying here?" This angers me along with Octavia as she tells her the truth she needs to hear, "You can't Clarke." Thank you Octavia someone had to say it. It's time to face them Clarke, you can't keep running away, it's time, they need you, and they need you home!

K - Yes, thank you Octavia for telling Clarke no and saying what I was thinking, "We don't have time for this!" Then we see Octavia grab Clarke's hand to hold, even with all of her anger and pain towards Clarke she knows how much their people need Clarke right now. She's the only chance they have at stopping Pike because in the end we all know what Octavia said is true, that he won't obey the blockade. As Octavia leaves she tells her, "If you're not there. You're not the person I thought you were." It's time to go home Clarke.


M - The kill order goes into effect at dawn, and now Clarke must say her goodbyes. Clarke goes to see Lexa in her room, obviously to tell her that she's leaving to go home. Lexa knows what decision has been made even before Clarke has told her. Clarke apologizes for leaving and Lexa says don't be, you have to go back there, they're your people. Lexa begins to say that's why I.. but stops herself. She was going to confess her love for Clarke. She may have not finished saying it but in a way she did, no matter how it was delivered, and Clarke knew this too.

K - Finally they let their guards down and admit their true feelings for each other, and what a special moment it was. Clarke tells her, "Maybe someday you and I will owe nothing more to our people," as Lexa replies with, "I hope so."

M - Lexa offers her hand for a Grounder shake and Clarke takes it as Lexa says, "May we meet again," and in that moment I knew that it was the end for Lexa. I knew that they would not meet again, I knew that it was goodbye.

K - I saw it as more of an ending also.. not the ending we got, but an ending especially once I saw those tears on Lexa and how this moment was truly breaking her heart, but in Lexa fashion she was still strong while still being so vulnerable.. the both of them were in this moment. And how refreshing is it to see two strong women being able to be so vulnerable, and yet still be great leaders and warriors.

M - They share a kiss and a moment in bed (wink wink). Clarke points out Lexa's beautiful tattoo. It caught my attention because Lexa says she got it on her Ascension Day, a circle for every Nightblood that died. Clarke notices that there are 7 circles but she remember Lexa saying there were 9 as she asks what happened to number 8, and Lexa asks to talk about something else.. I wonder what happened?


M - Clarke returns back to her room to find a tied up Murphy in a bad state and is utterly shocked of his presence. She runs to help him, to untie him as Titus appears. "What did you do to my friend," she asks. I loved that moment, Clarke seeing Murphy as one of her friends that she cares about. Murphy begins to stir as she comforts him, "Hey. You're okay." It was probably all he wanted to hear, that someone was there for him. I loved seeing this between them.

K - Completely agree about that moment Clarke called Murphy her friend, their relationship has been through so much and it is nice to see how far they both have come from the time they first got to the ground.

M - Titus stops Clarke in her tracks, threatening her, as he pulls out a gun. The obvious question is where the hell did he get that and what is he doing? Clarke tries to talk down Titus, who seems to have completely lost it. I think a part of it was from learning SkaiKru and his people share a history, part of a culture. His faith is being tested and shaken and he's struggling to accept what he's heard.

Titus sees killing Clarke is the only way to save Lexa. He's going to try to blame it on Murphy, with the use of a SkaiKru weapon and hoping Lexa will be angry enough to start a war.

K - Titus is going through so much, his faith is being tested and he feels like he has to be the one to get Lexa to be the leader that all the other Commanders have been to keep their people safe. He tells Clarke, "Lexa will never execute her duty while you live."

M - Titus begins firing the gun as Clarke ducks and runs trying to avoid his aim. Clarke runs for the door as Titus fires another bullet right as Lexa enters, hitting her. Titus and Clarke are completely distraught. Clarke tries to save her life, as Lexa lies there as she whispers, "Don't be afraid." She may have been looking at Clarke when she said this but I don't think it was to give Clarke strength but for herself as she faces death and the unknown.


M - Titus pulls out something, preparing to do something as Clarke tries to fix Lexa but this is one she cannot fix. Lexa makes Titus swear never to try to harm Clarke again and tells him to do his job, as he again is called the Flamekeeper.

K - My emotions went from shocked to horror to crying within one minute! That moment between Lexa and Titus really hit me because now I truly don't feel like Titus was ever trying to hurt Lexa but to get her to "carry out her duty" which to me seems like had a lot to do with the A.I. connected to her. Lexa tells him, "Serve the next as you have served me, Flamekeeper." Cue all of the tears as we continue to see Clarke trying to save Lexa. Clarke tells her, "I don't want the next Commander. I want you," and I agree Clarke - I agree! We don't want the next Commander, we want Lexa.

M - Indra and Octavia march for Arkadia, together side-by-side.

K - It breaks my heart to think that Octavia believes that Clarke chose to stay in Polis instead of come back with her.. This is sure to add more strain to their relationship.

M - Now the time has come for Lexa as she tells them, "My fight is over." Clarke refuses to accept that as Lexa says, "You were right, Clarke. Life is about more than just surviving." The moment arrives and Clarke beautifully says, "In peace may you leave the shore, in love may you find the next, safe passage on your travels, until our final journey to the ground." As the life from Lexa leaves her and Clarke kisses her a final goodbye. I'M NOT CRYING YOU ARE.


K - What a beautiful moment.. I cried the second time watching it. I'm sure I'll cry again and again. I honestly have no words for this death. There have been deaths that have hurt on this show before, such as Finn, and there have been deaths that have been just as sudden and brutal before, such as Wells, but this one is different in many ways. We got to know more about Lexa and see how she truly was underneath the hard shell of being just the Commander of the Grounders. This death hurts, and while my heart hurts from this my head understands how Lexa's death moves the story of this show along further, and has opened up new doors to be explored as we see Titus go to complete the ritual after Lexa's death, "Your fight is over, Lexa of Trikru.. The Commander's fight goes on."

M - Titus is adamant about completing the ritual as Clarke must step aside and Murphy helps her to do so. That's when we see the sacred symbol tattooed on the back of Lexa's neck and a scar going right through it as we flashback to the pod having just landed on the ground.


M - We are literally looking at the end of the world as Becca gets out of the pod, her suit repeating there’s a breach and that the radiation level is critical. Then she removes her helmet, completely confident that the radiation will not harm her as we see survivors, people walking towards her as she yells “I’m here to help,” and we see the same scar on the back of her neck.

Becca took the pod down 2 years after the nukes went off. She may have survived the radiation from living in space or from whatever she did to herself, but how were there survivors on the ground, the ground was uninhabitable, the radiation should have killed them? And what about food and water?

K - Mind blown! Yes, I knew that Becca was probably the first ever Commander but I still can’t believe what I’m seeing.. that I was right about my suspicions. I’m very curious about the people on the ground already also. . .

M - Titus cuts open the scar on Lexa and the wound moves as something crawls out of it. Titus takes it and Clarke and Murphy stand there bewildered as Clarke questions what it is and Murphy says that it’s an A.I, but Titus says they’re wrong, "It’s the spirit of the Commander," and now we know what it meant when they said the spirit of the Commander would live on. Titus picks up Lexa’s body and calls for the guards as he says, “Let the conclave begin. The Commander is dead. May her spirit choose wisely,” as he walks out and the doors shut behind him, locking Clarke and Murphy inside.

Going by how the doors were locked after Titus left, I’m pretty sure he will blame them for Lexa’s death and they may be in danger. The episode ends and we are left with, if it’s possible, with even more questions!

K - Ok, I didn’t even think about that! I didn’t think that he would blame her death on Clarke and Murphy.. but now that makes sense! It makes sense because Titus wants a war, and if he chooses to blame Lexa’s death on them then this will no doubt be what the Grounders need (even more so) to want revenge and attack the Sky People.

M - Was Lexa really Lexa or the A.I, or both? Was it controlling her? Does the device, the A.I., choose the next Commander? Who will be the new Commander? I think Aden. Some say Ontari? Some even say Titus? Though it kind of makes sense, the Grounders will see Titus as a good fit. He shares their beliefs and support for getting vengeance but if the A.I. makes the choice maybe not. Are the armies still marching for Arkadia? Will they stop and wait for the new Commander and their orders? Are they already there? So many questions, I must have the next episode! Bring on next week! 

K - So many questions.. After days since this episode aired my mind is still racing from everything that was revealed throughout that one hour. I’m still curious to see what A.L.I.E 1’s plan is going to be once she learns the truth about where A.L.I.E 2 has always been.. I’m sure this will not end well, and I’m sure more deaths are to come.

This was a very emotional episode, and I’m sad to see Lexa gone but I honestly believe her spirit will always be there. She was such a strong influence on Clarke, that it’s going to be hard for Clarke to just forget her and the things she learned while Lexa was in her life, so in that way Lexa will always be a part of this show.

Now, bring on the next episode and here’s to hoping we all survive it!


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You can watch season 1 and 2 of The 100 on Netflix now! Remember to tune in every Thursday at 9/8c to watch The 100 live on The CW.
Join us that weekend as we recap episode eight. We can't wait to discuss all things The 100 with you!


Kristy || Maddi


xxo