My children are growing older.
I have to admit that everyone who told me, "enjoy the days they are little because it goes by so fast," were not joking. Time has managed to go by quickly. When I go back to look at old photos/videos I can't believe my children were even that little!
I just enrolled my last baby in Kindergarten.
I remember writing about how hard it was for me to enroll and begin letting go of my oldest. Two years later - here I am finding it even harder to let go of my youngest. I even asked my boyfriend if we could let him stay home another year.. I lost that argument.
And losing that argument helped me realize that I probably should just let go of my need to control everything in my life. There is no way of avoiding the inevitable.
Of course my children still need me.
They don't need me as much as they always have though..
The other week I realized that my oldest daughter doesn't like how I style her hair anymore. I style her hair the way I would wear it. I never thought to ask her how she likes it. Then I began to notice that she would come home from school with her hair styled a little differently every day. It wasn't a huge change, but I saw more of her than me when I looked at her. This probably doesn't seem like a big deal to most people, but I felt a little sad seeing this. It made me cry because she's becoming her own person all on her own.
As a parent I just want to protect my children for as long as I can.
I don't want them to see the evil in our world.
I don't want them to get hurt.
I just want so much for them - all of the good things our world offers.
Watching them grow up is scary because I know with them becoming their own people, they are bound to make mistakes and I won't always be there to help them. The other day I had to tell my oldest that she had to figure out a way to fix her mistake, and even when it broke my heart to tell her this, there wasn't much I could do to help her.
My children are still young, but they make those little mistakes while at school - like telling their friends something mean. That's where I can't do much but tell them what I would do, so that's what I do now and hope that they make the right decision on how to fix their mistakes. Luckily my kids have been making the right decisions when it comes to solving their own problems.. and that warms my heart.
So, as you can tell this whole stage in my life is incredibly bittersweet.
I'm not with my children holding their hands during the day anymore, and it's scary for me to let go of this. I have to say that watching them grow up to become better people than I will ever be is something really special though.. And that is what makes this bittersweet stage in my life worth all the scary parts.