WHO I AM



Have you ever had one of those days where you just don't feel like yourself?
Nothing makes you happy - Nothing makes you upset.
Nothing good is happening - Nothing bad is happening.
You just feel blah.. You are just living to exist another day.
Well - I've had plenty of those days, and those days are tough.

I don't know why I do this, but I always seem to do it. I log onto Facebook or Instagram to scroll through my feeds full of smiling faces, beautiful sunrises, gorgeous flowers, and everything else that makes my day go from blah to awful in an instant. It makes me so angry. I make myself promise to stay off of social media for the rest of the day, but it never fails that I end up logging back on within the hour. I sit there and compare my, now, horrible day to the hundreds of people on my accounts that seem to be having a much better day than I am here on my couch.

I hate how easily all this happens to me - all the comparisons I put myself through.
All the negative thoughts that run through my head as I continue to scroll through my phone.
They don't deserve that! Why can't I buy that? Why can't I live there? How are they so lucky and I'm not?

I hate that I allow myself to even think this way - but I let these thoughts fill my head every time, and it drives me insane.

All these thoughts make me feel less like myself than I already feel.
It's frustrating because I don't know what I should do with myself when this happens - how I should make myself feel better about my own life, instead of sitting around being so concerned about everyone else's lives. It's their life not mine - that guy is just himself, that girl is just herself.. & I am just who I am.




For a long, long time - I have expected things to magically happen for me.
I expected to live in a luxurious home with nice things by living my life as I always have, the same. I dwelled on the past and all the missed opportunities that had passed by. Every thought I've had helped me decide my own fate - helped me be more of a dreamer than a doer. It's led me to this moment of pain in my life.

It has taken a lot of bad days of feeling like someone else to realize just how bad my attitude towards life truly was. I've had such a bad attitude throughout my whole life, especially since entering my twenties. I never look at the bright side of things, and negative thoughts fill up my mind instantly.
And -
Those thoughts, those negative thoughts, those are the things that have led me into such a negative reality. This negative outlook on life has truly affected me and I never realized how much until recently.

I am more than these nasty thoughts in my head.
I can be both a dreamer and a doer.
This was the lesson that I learned on that bad day - It is me who has the power to feel like myself again, to bring myself back, and to change my own life instead of wishing for someone else's. I'm the only one that is able to achieve things for myself. I am the only one to make things better for myself, make them worse, or keep things exactly the same.

So -
If you're having one of those bad days today, I hope you know that you aren't alone on those feelings.
Remember, today may not be good - but tomorrow will be better if you make it better.
As cliché as it is - Think positive thoughts.
When something bad happens, try not to curse and be angry about it.
Bring in good energy.
Have a good attitude - allow this attitude to bring you a great reality to live in.


xxo


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